Little Story About Myself

Once in a while, I’ll immerse myself into deep thoughts about my life and hide my feelings from any friends near me. I had a close partner who once asked me not to keep everything to myself and try to talk about it so she can help. But the problem is, I’m never good at talking, telling my own problems is even worse. Sometimes I’ll find myself quite pathetic or maybe ‘weird depression’ is the right expression, and I wonder how many will sit and listen to someone’s grumbles nowadays. Everyone have their own problems, why would I stack mine on others?

This is not another ‘EMO’ post, just a little look back about my own and some motivation to keep me going. A year ago, I’m a student who stretches his hands for more money to party, eat, study, shop and go fun-trips solely from my Mum’s hard-earn money. Yeah, ‘solely’ is the most appropriate as I’m a single mother child with 2 older brothers ever since 3yo after my Dad pass away from a misfortune, hardly remember any memories though. Only know that Mum tried hard to make end meets for her 3 kids, seems like working 24/7 to me as she’s seldom at home.

I’m not trying to sound sad or feel sorry for myself but that’s a fact. The worst is I never felt lonely or sad about things that happened around me - my grandma and close relatives are always there to take care of me making sure to make things right. When I got older about 8yo, sometimes my relatives will ask me questions like ‘Am I sad that my father pass away?’ Out of stupidity, I answered yes because I’ve watched dramas that taught me that someone should be sad if their father pass away so the answer should be yes. What does sad mean to someone who never went through anything before, blurry memories inside me doesn’t make me feel worse at all…

I’m not going too in-depth about every single issue since that’s not what I wanted to say in this post. So after 24 years of spoon-fed, I finally managed to get out of the education phase and begin my other as a social worker. I’m overjoyed, for I’m able to lessen my mum’s liability by giving portion of the salary. Yeah, it also means that my life here in Melbourne is even harder alone, credit card will be my last resort if things get out of hand, and hopefully it won’t happen. One thing I realized, spending my own is so different from stretching hands - the boundary to spend less seems to cut off and it’s addictive to spend them which match me up with lesser savings and more events. Like what my mum always said, I spend the most out of her among her 3 kids – I’m always on denial about this statement until today - I finally understood what she meant! ‘Spoilt kid’ might be the word for me, a not so rich kid always thinking that he is rich and spending like a rich – totally-totally wrong!!

My reverie moment reflect back to my mum a lot. Without the three of us, she's probably a millionaire now, and all I hope now is to inherit her saving abilities and kick-off my hopelessly spending character… if you haven’t realize what I’m trying to say in here, my career hormones are crying out loud again. How long will it take someone to build a home with clean hands and provide those you love with the most comfortable life?

白手起家一点都不容易!!